I want to go back to what seems like forever ago now to talk about breaking the news to family and friends.
It’s an exciting and nerve-wracking time. Who would you tell? How should you tell them and when? Ours wasn’t all that easy.
So we found out the day we got back from honeymoon, week 5. As you might have read in a previous post we were both pretty chuffed and emotional and wanted to tell everybody the good news straightaway. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that with pregnancy though and that’s really frustrating. Buy a new car, tell the world. Buy a house, dog, new sponge to wash the dishes, post it on Facebook to let everybody know. Create a baby from nothing? No, must wait and sit on this news for twelve weeks!
We did however want to tell some people right away. My Mum and Laura’s parents. We were going to be passing by Laura’s parents on our way back out, so we could pop in to theirs but I wouldn’t be seeing mum for a while – which meant I chose to call her. It was an amazing conversation but I do regret not being able to sit down and see her face, her actual reaction to the news and not being able to have a hug after. Hopefully next time.
Then we popped into Laura’s folks to tell them, except her Dad had gone out so we were left to break it to her Mum, who was obviously very excited too. Tears, smiles and hugs all round. The following day we did go back and tell her Dad too so he didn’t feel too left out for too long.
Now, the bit that made it a little more difficult for us was that my Sister was getting married in 9 weeks time and we didn’t want to spoil her build up, which as it happens was even more difficult when we found out she’d guessed somehow a couple of weeks later… However we were still determined not to confirm and actually did have to deny it a number of times, which is horrible straight out lying to family. Sam, I’m sorry for keeping it from you and I know it was a relief when we did finally tell you the day after your wedding but hopefully we’re forgiven now.
In the meantime some friends had to find out due to various plans that we already had booked in that were supposed to be ‘having it large’ – apparently there was a sweepstake on how long it would take us so wasn’t a surprise to some!
Then there were other baby announcements too within friendship circles and again, we didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon so left it a couple of weeks and someone else then announced so we waited a couple more weeks and so it went on. It’s very exciting to have so many friends in the same situation though, people to talk things through with who are actually in the same position rather than just chewing the ear of someone’s who’s been there and done that.
The hardest thing was actually keeping it from my Dad. Rightly or wrongly we wanted to minimise the risk of Sam finding out but also didn’t want her to be the only one in the family who didn’t know. Now my Dad and I don’t see each other particularly regularly but we did happen to have a number of days to together over the summer, one in particular was a great day at Goodwood Festival of Speed. There were a couple of moments when I turned and just wanted to tell him he was going to be a Grandad and I had to stop myself. When we finally got around to telling I think we’d lost the element of surprise but still, it was great to be able to break the news.
All of this takes its toll. The white lies and deception that is required to keep pregnancy a secret, when you really don’t want to keep it a secret, is tiring. It plays on your mind all day, every day.
The one constant to telling people you’re having a baby is me getting told, “Yay, you work!”. Whilst this is true, so does Laura however didn’t receive the same adulation. Similar to a BBQ – whilst the ladies might prepare all the pasta, salads and accoutrements, the men throw slabs of meat onto a fire until its black and will get all the credit.